Image: federico stevanin / FreeDigitalPhotos.netBy Dave the Drummer
I’d like to write more for this blog. Mostly I don’t know WHAT to write. My day-to-day life consists of sitting on my ass, watching movies and blathering away on the Internet to people I know on there. Once in a while I’ll think “Shit, I should really do something with my time right about now.” I’ll sit with Notepad open, then what seems like an hour has gone by and it turns out I’m counting how many times the little blinky thing has blinked at me, fucking toying with me like the asshole it is. Or I’ll think “Maybe I’ll start that work out routine. No time like the present!” I’ll do about four push-ups or whatever before I either get bored or tired, spend some time lying on the floor and then wonder what I’m missing online. Maybe someone has made a really funny post, and here I am lying on the floor. I could be having a very, very slow conversation with someone, dammit! OK, I’ll check. Yeah, still nothing. I think I’ll watch an old episode of Never Mind The Buzzcocks. Oh, Lamaar, you cad.
The last few months I’ve realised I’m still pretty young, but I’m getting on. I can’t do this shit forever, man. Fairly soon I’ll be going back to school to study broadcasting, and with any luck that’ll help me be more Confident Dave, because truthfully, Confident Dave has a a tendency to say “You are one depressing asshole, I’m outta here.”
OK, so I just realised that after that paragraph I stopped and started counting the blinky thing. The fuck, man? I’m fighting the urge to post some nonsense or other on one of the boards I frequent. I have no idea where the fuck I’m going with all of this. I may be writing for the sake of writing and this has essentially zero content. Why are you reading this? You could be lying on the floor for no reason. Think of everything you’re missing out on. Have you ever seen your carpet up close? I’ve seen mine and it needs vacuuming. Maybe I could do that. I should really clean up my room. I already cleaned a bit around the house, so I think I’ll just live with the weird bits of grit I got living in my carpet.
So how do I break out of this tedium? Once in a while, I’ll suddenly have this feeling of clarity. The clouds will part, the sun will beam down on me and only me, a giant hand, index finger extended, will slowly make it’s way towards me, and a giant, booming voice will say “STOP WASTING YOUR MOTHER FUCKING TIME. THAT IS ALL.” Then I remember, oh fuck, I gotta do shit! How do I change? What do I do first? Is
there anything I need to be aware of before I start? I’ll ask the Internet. Then maybe I’ll do some push- ups or something and everything will be OK!
I really gotta vacuum this floor.
The truth is, I know what I gotta do, I just think up non-excuses to get out of it. It’s too hard, or there’s this thing that’s holding me back, but mostly I’m just scared and lazy. If I fail then I feel like
a dipshit. If I reach a road block, I think Jesus, now I gotta do this, too? Fuck it, so. I know exactly where the attitude comes from, and I’m pretty sure I know how to fix it (It mostly consists of just actually doing stuff). I have half finished electronic projects littered about the place I could have had done ages ago if I’d have just sat down one evening and got to it. I feel like, even with the things I have accomplished, it’s just not enough to get me by, and makes me feel like I’ve accomplished nothing. There’s a whole world to explore, and I look at it on Google Maps. I heard the phrase “You have to swing the bat to hit a home run.” After I had a brief discussion about the lexicon surrounding baseball, I realised I’m outside the field, half asking the ball if it would mind throwing itself really very far indeed in case I get a splinter.
I AM GOING TO DO STUFF. IT WILL BE HARD QUITE OFTEN. I WILL HATE THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF IT. BUT I WILL DO IT ANY WAY BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO ALL OF A SUDDEN BE A FORTY YEAR OLD MAN INSPECTING MY CARPET.
