Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration. You probably are not ruining her life, but apparently being nice can lead to the total annihilation of an otherwise, not so bad…pretty good…okay…relationship. Okay, maybe its better then that, we’re all a little cynical about relationships aren’t we? Okay, probably just me, but to get to the point here, is that…things that you thought were being nice, may actually be screwing you over. I was victim to doing these things, tough oddly enough I didn’t start off that way. I was originally assertive, and all that stuff, but when things start looking bad, sometimes you just start doing the wrong thing. Here’s what you SHOULDN’T be doing people. It may seem like this is geared towards guys, but it is geared towards the ladies too. This is actually my response in blog form to what was written on guysim.com.
– Now, I thought women liked to be spoiled with gifts. Little did I realize, that doesn’t apply in the relationship setting. If you intend to be with the girl long term, or the guy long term, you can’t just show all your cards at once. You have to do it slow, take your time. Don’t give it all up in one foul swoop, otherwise you’re setting yourself up for disaster. You’re putting an expectation of spoiling that you probably won’t be able to keep up with. It doesn’t mean not to do the whole gift thing, just keep it in moderation and make it mean something people!
– Next, don’t spill the beans so quickly. You should never expose yourself too soon. I don’t mean flashing…though I guess a guy won’t mind being flashed early on in a budding relationship. But then you might look like a slut and everyone looses. Double standards abound. Anyway, its cool to be eager to share info with someone you have a connection with. You’re like them, they like you and you can feel like there’s something good between you two. But then, you delve deep into things that can scare a person off if they don’t know you well enough. Take it easy, take it slow. Yep!
– Whenever I went out to dinner with my ex-wife, she’d ask me what I wanted to eat. My response was, “I don’t know, what do you want?” Okay, first off, I did it because I wanted her to get what she wanted as I didn’t care otherwise. But then, my cardinal sin was…I showed a lack of assertion. Its considered a manly thing to do to have an opinion, and most like you do, but your sacrificing that opinion for hers. That’s not an attractive trait in a man or a woman. So people, stand firm and tell him and her what you want. Don’t be demanding, but let the other person know you have your own thoughts, your own mind, and your own wants.
– This is getting long winded. I’m going to sum up the rest of it in the form of a story, and you can read the rest in the link at the end. As my relationship with my ex progressed, it was good. Years of good times and happy times, and we were both complainers of things. It was our thing, one that I developed from her as she hated a lot of things. It was an endearing quality and it became part of the routine. But if it wasn’t something we could both do, then it becomes a pain the ass and people begin to resent your constant complaining and bad things can happen. So complain at your own risk. That’s what friends and therapists are for aren’t they?
Things continued to be good, we said “I Love You” in good moderation, it was never overbearing, and I think that’s what made it special. We didn’t say it everyday, but we did say it enough to feel good about it. Of course, there’s over use or maybe even saying it too early. I don’t think I told her that I think loved her until…several months or so in? She even told me she knew, which took me off guard. So don’t say it too early or too often, otherwise…it gets annoying and you don’t want to annoy anyone.
Finally, I guess this wasn’t quick after all, don’t always initiate sex. That’s the sign of desperation and also that implants the thought that all you want sex. Now of course, I think the moral of this story and every other story I seem to put up here is moderation, but don’t just always ask for it. Instead, look for the signs. Sex is actually being much more acceptable among the ladies, they’re desire is growing. And ladies, if you want it, just get it from your man. Most men like the thought that their significant other wants them as much as they want you. So don’t hold back, but its not the case the other way around.
Okay, enough, I’m not writing a dissertation or an essay. I read the article, related to all but one (The fighting friends thing, don’t get it). So I thought I’d write about it here implanting my own experiences. If you made it this far, congratulations. You’ve eared 500 EXP towards relationships, if that means anything to you. Peace out.
via Guyism – 7 ways to ruin a relationship without knowing it.
