I’ve always thought that your own self image, and self esteem were important to finding a successful relationship. You need to be able to handle life solo and be happy being alone before you can successfully handle the life of being a couple. Why is that? Because you can then handle it if there is a breakup, and you don’t become obsessive over your mate, or smother them, or do things that can harm a relationship. Your self esteem is important if you want to even think of a real, healthy relationship. Its too bad that I have to emphasize this idea, because most people, even people around me, have low self esteem. Even I am still developing a stronger self esteem, on occasion feeling that I don’t deserve one thing or another, not being assertive enough. Our society suffers from low self esteem, so much so that parents can’t even allow their kids to lose in sport or something. That’s a whole other issue though, and one that I think it ludicrous. People lose!!! Anyway…
So its no surprise to me that a study from Ohio State University and Brookhaven National Laboratory in Upton finds that college aged students crave positive compliments, anything that helps boost their self esteem over the pleasures of the flesh. Yes, sex, I meant, sex. It was preferred to be acknowledged about their accomplishments. I mean, sex is the big motivator isn’t it? We look at a person and if we find them attractive, we want to sleep with them don’t we? Isn’t our innate desire to procreate bigger than our need to have our self esteem stroked? I have to agree with the researchers that this is a big deal about how we as a society view self esteem.
When I was a kid, I had mixed results when it came to acknowledgement. I got both the, we’re proud of you to the you’re an idiot, aspect of acknowledgement. Even now, when someone compliments me on something I do well, I always say, “I’m just good at pretending to be good at…,” insert compliment here. So I can only speak from my own perspective, and even I can see where these people are coming from. this isn’t going to be a blog post on how to improve self esteem, because honestly, its different per person and I only know how to make myself better in this respect.
That’s why so many people crave approval from their significant other, from their family and friends, and why relationships falter and fall apart. People love people because they need them. There is a need to have them in their lives to feel good, to feel any self worth. A dangerous thing because, should the relationship not work out, it just spells trouble all around. Still, I guess I’m just blabbing now. In the end, they talk about how young people just want their self esteem boosted and its unhealthy at how much they want it. There’s also an unhealthy level of self esteem that leads to narcissism, but that’s again, another story.
So keep your head up high, know that no one can give you your self esteem, you need to find it within yourself. And be happy with who you are before you dive into a relationship. Love and life thrives off of how we feel about ourselves. Good luck out there.
