Are you the kind of person to break up and get back together again with your significant other? Maybe you’ve left someone and felt…remorse for it. I know that when an old friend of mine would break up and get back together again with their girlfriend, myself and other warned him that it wouldn’t end up well. We thought that if he was so miserable and got into fights so bad that they’d leave each other, why keep going through it? Then, they got married, had a family, and they are trying to make it work. Most of the time, its a horrible wheel…(didn’t want to use vicious cycle). You find yourself doing going through the same arguments, the same disagreements, but maybe the sex is good, or maybe you have some REALLY great moments, but that’s not a basis or a foundation for a long term relationship.
I got this train of thought from an article I read in Psychology Today (article) where divorced woman rethought her divorce and decided to spend time with her ex husband. She even seemed to have left the new relationship she was in. Now, this surprised me, because having had my own divorce, I don’t think I could go back to my ex-wife. But I realize where she was coming from, and I think a lot of people go through this. They’re so wrapped up in their own emotions, that they don’t see the real problems. Being so enveloped by your own feelings, you don’t try to fix what’s wrong, instead you try to avoid it. Same goes for the couple that was on and off, the friend who ended up getting married. His friends saw problems up the wazoo, and we voiced our feelings constantly, and saw how unhappy he was. But he constantly shot us down, told us he was happy with her, and though I don’t keep in touch with him anymore, but last I checked, he was…complacent.
Now I’m not saying the woman in the Psychology Today article wouldn’t be happy going back to her family. She had an epiphany that may have given her the peace of mind to figure out how to make a marriage work, even with all that had happened. The thing is, I think anyone can get this, if they’re willing to keep an open mind and actually listen to others. In the case of the article, it was a book, but it allowed her to think outside the box. If you can too, if you can see outside your box, you’ll be able to break free from bad relationships, from abuse, from mediocre. Or, you can fix what’s wrong in a potentially good relationship, from one that have bumps in the road or imperfections.
How do you know what category you’re in? Talk to your family, your friends, and find out what they think. Don’t let them coddle you, find out what they really think. If they’re truly your friend (hopefully family will be pretty open with you), they’ll open up to you and tell you what may be kind of hard to hear. But when you find out what you’re in, then do what needs to be done. Take the hard road, find the help you need, especially if you’re in an abusive relationship, but take that step. I know, me saying it won’t make you do anything, people are hard headed and stubborn, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. But you know, you won’t admit the kind of situation you’re in, but you know for sure if you’re in a bad place. Whether you’re willing to do something about it is up to you.
So break out of the cycle, find the happiness and satisfaction you deserve, with or without the one you with. Either make it work, or move on, but don’t stay stuck. Don’t be somewhere you feel…you shouldn’t be. And stop the cycle.
