When you look at a relationship websites, and blogs, you’ll find that sex plays a huge part in the grand scheme of things. It makes a lot of sense too because its what I believe to be the most complicated part about relationships. There’s so much happening to you emotionally and physically that how sex goes in a relationship determines its future. Some women are very keen on sexuality. They are very comfortable with their bodies and with the act itself. To those women, sex is not an issue. And in this current generation, more and more women are feeling good about themselves to the point where casual sex is becoming a little more accepted among that gender. And as important as sex is to a relationship, its but a single factor in the grand scheme of things.
It’s strange how people approach the act of sex. It has almost been ingrained in our minds how necessary it is for a healthy relationship. Yet no one takes into account the other important factors, like intimacy, companionship, and an actual emotional tie with the person you’re with can have a huge impact on the actual coupling itself. Of course, as I’ve mentioned before, there’s all this talk about cheating and its giving people a bad name. It’s almost like the one determining factor in our everday lives is sex. Which explains why sex sells, why porn is such a huge industry, and why sex is occuring at a younger and younger age. We as a society emphasize it, glamorize it, and dramatize it to a point where it’s almost all we think about.
Now I have nothing against sex. I love it, I think its fantastic, and I think its essential for a healthy partnership, marriage, whatever. But what happened to the love? What happened to the closeness? One of the things I miss most about being in a relationship isn’t the getting laid part, its the knowing that person I’m with is someone I can trust. Its the closeness of that woman who I can tell them everything that’s going on with me and knowing they aren’t bored to tears. To be able to take their hand when I need a little strength, or get that embrace when making accomplishments. Its that support system, that friendship, and that love that now is often put in the back burner for hot, sweaty bumping and grinding.
When recording Geek Love Radio, I mentioned that at SXSW, there was a panel where a woman discussed nerd sex versus “regular” sex. It wasn’t about building meaningful relationships and bonds with the opposite sex, it was about how to get into that girl’s panties for a night. Again, I have NOTHING against people having sex casually or whatever, but seriously…what happened? Are relationships going on the wayside, becoming extinct? Is actually having a healthy marriage or being a healthy couple just not important anymore? Has it become so easy that we can skip the lessons of how to make things work through communication and understanding and empathy, and just go straight to the fucking?
I mean, last I checked we still have a high divorce rate, last I checked we still have couples emotionally and physically abusing each other. There’s still the need for therapy and anti-depressants, and so much out there to even just regulate us, to keep us sane, because we haven’t been given the tools to take care of those things ourselves. Is love and companionship just a plot point for movies, books, and television? And even then its all fantasy. Do we not want that closeness, that comfort and familiarity, as a people? From the way things look, maybe we don’t.
It makes sense, since I know so few people in actual happy relationsihps. So many are unhappy, or uninterested in the partnership at hand. Its funny, I see so many straight couples just lacking in any kind of closeness, and are so against homosexual couplings. Yet amongst the gay and lesbian community, I see some real emotional ties. Again, this is just a personal observation without all the fancy research and statistics. I don’t know, maybe I’m jaded, maybe I’m cynical, but really…I think people would be happier, be more content if their only emphasis in life wasn’t just sex. I think people would find true joy in life if they sought love over whether the person is good in bed. Or maybe, that’s just me.
