I was told a story, which means I guess I’ll be telling you a paraphrased story, of a boy/man…probably more “boy” than man, who, on a fairly regular basis, confessed his undying love for this girl. Okay, that’s a mild exaggeration, but you get the idea. He told her how he’s perfect, she’s perfect, so they’re perfect together, born to be forever…and she tells them that there’s no way in hell that they’d ever be a couple. Yet still he pines for her, hoping she’ll waver, and hoping that there will be a point where she’ll give in and say, “Yes, I’ve been so blind, I should have known that you were the one.”
So what compels someone who obviously has no chance in hell (yet?) of ever getting the girl, to constantly believe that she’ll fall for him eventually? Won’t he (or she) just miss out on other opportunities? What’s the motivation, what’s the advantage, and why the hell does it happen so often? Is this a revisiting of the hopeless romantic or is it just plain stubborness or even stupidity? I mean, you have to admit, it is like punching a brick wall over and over again in hopes that the wall will give in before your hand does.
We are all creatures of habit though. We all do things that may have worked some time in the past with some girl or guy who unwittingly gave in because they felt sorry for you or they simply got worn out. In other words, that would have worked in high school. And as we get older and we “mature”, it gets harder and harder to step out of this habit of being insistent. And so we hit that wall, only to come out with bloody knuckles. But we keep hitting because we freakin’ remember when we punched that damn wall down.
Then there are those who pine in silence and from a distance. Those guys…and/or girls…are kind of the saddest of the bunch. I only say kind of, because often times its this romanticism that they hold onto that keeps them from letting go. They are enveloped by the fantasies of movies, tv, and music that give us this false hope that true love will conquer and win out in the end. So we, and I include myself in this category, remain unsung lovers who just do what we can from a distance while others who are assertive and straightforward, fly away with those we like, love, and are infatuated with. And that is just no fun.
I realize a lot of what we talk about here on the blog and on the podcast are about being assertive and being out there, and taking the bull by the horns or the balls and just pushing forward. And then I realize, how many people reallly know how to do that? How many people know how to just stand up tall and break through every habit, every character trait they’ve developed and learned over the years and just…toss caution to the wind? Who really has the guts to face their shy exterior, their social awkwardness and just say “You, girl with the hair, we need to go out, we need to date, because you’re awesome, I’m awesome, and we’d be awesome together.” Okay, that’s a bit on the extravegant side, but you get the idea. And then, know that the possibility of rejection is there, and still hold that head up hight and…and…
Stop pining for them and move on. This is like learning a new language. It’s like developing a muscle that’s never been worked out before. It’s being patient, it’s being brave, and it’s allowing someone to punch you in the gut, and hoping they’ll stop before they make contact.
Let go if they say no. Those movies and tv shows that say persistence is the key, or that weird advice that says wearing a person down will get you what you want…that’s all fantasy. You don’t want to be with someone you “forced” to be in a relationship with you. If it happens, it happens, but don’t be annoying about it. Persist, but know when to stop and let things just flow, and try again later. But don’t be this guy from the beginning…who begs, pines, and whines. And don’t be the other guy, who does nothing but watches, waits, and hopes. Both extremes don’t help anyone, and you probably want to help yourself, don’t you?
