You know what I hear about a lot? The dreaded Friend zone. You people (and by “you people,” I mean FUCKING EVERYONE) have beaten this issue into death, then resurrected it with self-pitying Necromancy just so you could continue beating it. But you know what no one ever talks about? Something that’s even harder to escape than the Friend zone.
Yep. I’m talkin’ ’bout the Booty Call zone.
Now hear me out, denizens of the internet. This may be something worth considering when you’re not too busy crying over that best gal pal of yours who doesn’t see you as anything more than a shoulder to cry on.
As I stated, we all know the Friend zone. Many think that once you’re in it, you’re STUCK. Well, that’s not necessarily true. I mean, there have been cases where either myself or personal friends of mine have dated guys who had been previously designated to reside in the Friend zone. The girl may have a change of heart, the guy may change his appearance/mannerisms in such a way that she becomes attracted, etc. I mean, there are plenty of reasons someone in this zone can be moved into the Interest zone. Not all hope is lost.
I have, however, NEVER heard of a case where someone in the Booty Call zone has been moved out. Once you’re in there, you are stuck. End of story. It’s a fucking dead end. No room for advancement but you always have the option of turning the fuck around if you feel like it. I mean, to be fair, you can always back out of being in the Friend zone, too. You could always just say, “Fuck this noise, I don’t need to listen to your shit if I don’t get laid.” Now on the other side of the spectrum, we have, “I’m already getting laid so why would I agree to listen to your bullshit? How is that a step up?” Do you see the dilemma?
At least in the Friend zone, you get to enjoy the person’s company (assuming you actually enjoy it. If you’re just hanging out with the person in the hopes that you can eventually get a chance to score, you’re a fucking douche.) You get to see movies together, go out to eat, have a decent time with said person. You’ve probably already met their friends/parents/dog/pet rock at this point, too. Yeah, maybe you still REALLY want the privilege to hold hands and cuddle with this person (big fucking whoop), but if you weren’t content with what you had, you’d just back out altogether I’d imagine.
In the Booty Call zone, it’s a little different. You sex the person up in the hopes that you may pique in them an interest in you outside the bedroom. Maybe you find the person remarkably interesting and want a chance at something… more substantial. (I was going to say “less trashy,” but I’m not here to judge.) So maybe you’ll ask to hang out, I dunno, in public sometime. If they say no, and they usually will (“Wellllll… I don’t wanna complicate things… I mean you’re really great and all but… I don’t know if I’m ready to [bullshitbullshitbullshit].) Suffice it to say, unless you’re a goddamn Renaissance woman with knowledge of at least 4 languages, proficiency in music, and/or the author of a best-selling novel, your bang buddy has little reason to see you as anything more than just that.
So what do? Well, in the case of the Friend zone, my advice remains pretty consistent with:
1. He/she’s not interested, get over it.
OR
2. Fix yourself.
In the Booty Call zone, you’re pretty much fucked. (See what I did there? DO YOU FUCKING GET IT?! I MADE A JO– ok, I’ll stop.)
I mean, it’s entirely possible that the person you’re ALREADY GIVING IT ALL UP TO will see something girlfriend/boyfriend-worthy in you. Totally possible. Probable? Not really, no. I wouldn’t bet on it.
So maybe those of you in the Friend zone (the ones who aren’t assholes) should count your blessings and be happy to at least have the other person’s respect and company. Those other poor souls will usually amount to being nothing more than a piece of meat, regardless of whether or not they want an actual relationship… or even to just be friends. Friend zone doesn’t seem so terrible now, does it?
