~A Letter from Lei~
Dear Friends,
When he asked me if I rsquo;d like to contribute to the blog, I asked what I should write about. Francis said, ldquo;Whatever your heart desires. rdquo; It seems that you rsquo;re at my mercy.
I decided to give you my most recent gripe. Before I do, I should tell you that I rsquo;m an old-fashioned kind of gal. I carry handkerchiefs in my purse. I bake stuff from scratch. With all of today rsquo;s technology, I often feel a bit like a cave-person, because I rsquo;m terribly behind. So perhaps I rsquo;m just being silly and archaic when I say this, but I don rsquo;t feel that one-line notes are suitable introductions on dating sites.
As a self-admitted cave-woman, I suppose I could have said that online dating is a bad idea. I don rsquo;t think it is. I like the idea of getting to know a person over the internet. It rsquo;s already been established that people tend to feel more inclined to express their thoughts freely, thanks to the safety of the screen.
Of course, there will always be exceptions. There was the gentleman I met on a dating site who seemed like an ideal candidate for at least friendship, if not more. I traveled quite some distance to meet him. My mind was filled with thoughts of sharing games, books, movies, and other hobbies we enjoyed. It was a little alarming to get there and discover that he spends his typical day seated in a chair, listening to music and petting his cats… and he does this all day.
I seriously doubt this sort of thing is common, or that anybody would be intentionally misleading. Most people who are on dating sites are there because they are hoping for sex, relationships, or both. Pretending to have the same interests another person has is a waste of time. I think it rsquo;s likely that the gentleman I met really did imagine himself as being the sort of person he described. Perhaps that rsquo;s who he rsquo;d been before certain life events came along. It rsquo;s also possible that he rsquo;d described himself as the person he wanted to be.
Image: renjith krishnan / FreeDigitalPhotos.netMy dating profile once said that if the hardest part of online dating is writing about yourself, the relationship you truly need to work on is the one you have with yourself. Before you start trying to date, take a little time to know who you are. Know who you rsquo;ve been, and who you rsquo;d like to be. That way, you can present yourself fairly accurately.
The first letter you write somebody is an introduction to who you are. I appreciate the advantage of a written introduction. After all, you rsquo;re able to take a few minutes and really think about what you rsquo;d like to say. Live conversations require a lot of improvisation, which I think is harder on those of us who tend to over-think. We doubt ourselves a great deal when forced to blurt out responses. Spending a few minutes to write a note is a lot easier because we can say anything on our minds without worrying about having a clever response to something said to us.
This is what makes it puzzling to me when somebody writes me on a dating site and the note consists of something like, ldquo;Hi. Your profile is great. We should meet some time. rdquo; This doesn rsquo;t encourage much of a response. Sure, I could respond with, ldquo;Thanks, rdquo; but where does it go from there? I usually don’t even bother sending a reply. Yep, I admit it. I’m one of those horrible people who doesn’t send responses to some letters!
I know that writing intro letters can be hard. I send them, too! However, all you really have to do is tell the person a little about yourself and why you wrote. When you do these things, do it in a way that makes it easy to respond. Instead of sticking with something vague, like, ldquo;I like video games, rdquo; you could say, ldquo;I like video games. My favorite game is (_insert name here_). Have you ever played it? If you haven rsquo;t, I rsquo;d be happy to play it with you sometime. I think you rsquo;d like it because in your profile, you said that (_insert something in the person rsquo;s profile that relates_). rdquo; You see? It rsquo;s easy on your part and it gives the other person an idea of something to say in response. Make your first letter something easy to answer, and you’re more likely to get a response.
Don rsquo;t use the excuse that you don rsquo;t have time or that it’s otherwise inconvenient. If you rsquo;re using your phone to browse dating sites and to write potential matches while you rsquo;re at work, maybe you need to re-evaluate your priorities. Meeting somebody and taking the time to develop a relationship will take longer than the time required to type out a few sentences. Invest a little time to send something worth reading and the person on the other end will usually appreciate you more.
Please don rsquo;t assume that I rsquo;m saying that long letters are good introductions One paragraph is great. Two are okay if you manage to keep the letter interesting. I recommend saving longer letters for later. On that note, I rsquo;ll bring this to an end.
Smooches!
