I was speaking with someone the other day who had quite the dilemma. She had a romp with her friend rsquo;s best friend. We rsquo;ll call them Dude (the friend) Guy (best friend of the friend). I have a bad feeling about this naming convention, but go with me on this. Now Dude is madly hellip;smitten with said girl and has openly said so to his best friend Guy. Dude has also let the girl know of his affections and is willing to wait it out in the background until she sees the error of her ways and finally live her happily ever after with him. Are you keeping up so far?
Well, that fairytale story is soon shattered when this woman has a sexual trist with Guy, because not only is Guy good looking but he is also willing and able to meet her sexual needs. So Dude finds out that Girl slept with Guy, and after a few hours of being upset and angry with Guy, he confesses his continued, undying love for the girl. He tells her that this little indiscretion is not enough to hinder the pure adoration he has for her and that Guy is the real jerk in this scenario. Guy is faulty as hell and the girl is infallible. Insert WTF acronym here.
Image: AKARAKINGDOMS / FreeDigitalPhotos.netI rsquo;ll be the first to admit that I rsquo;ve done the same thing. With my previous relationship, I would probably forgive anything my ex did if she was willing to take me back. She tore me up, spit me out, stomped on me, and made sure to make me feel guilty for her escapades and her treating me like crap. No, I rsquo;m not bitter, just the facts, but why would I subject myself to that? Am I not a smart-ish fellow who would have enough common sense to know that even though my ex was sleeping around and hurting me in the process, that I should not forgive her for that and not take her back for more heartache? What was wrong with me, and what is wrong with Dude?
Men let our emotions and penises dictate our actions. In the case of Dude, he let his heart blind him and he continues to believe that the fairytale will come true and she will fly into his arms, seeing there error of her ways. She was wrong to ignore him and she will learn to love him back. In our enfeebled male (and female) minds, we believe this. We, as emotional human beings, allow ourselves to get caught up in the attention that other people give us and embrace this false sense of entitlement. ldquo;We are awesome people, and they will learn this and they will love us. rdquo;
Nothing can excuse this sort of ldquo;blindness rdquo; on our part. That rsquo;s why you hear about those crazy fans who stalk celebrities. They rsquo;re blinded by their own need that they don rsquo;t realize that what they rsquo;re doing is scaring the other. And it all boils down to the idea that we are seeking something that we rsquo;re missing from our lives or are used to in our lives.
If we rsquo;re missing love in our life, we might think it rsquo;d be best to cling to the first person who gives us attention. They flirt with us, they give us a smile, they touch our hand, and we go crazy. We want that person, we want to be a part of their lives because they were kind enough to let us be a part of theirs, even if it rsquo;s for a short moment. Who cares if the two of you have nothing in common or can rsquo;t stand each other most of the time? I rsquo;m not saying it never works out, but for those times when it doesn rsquo;t, and it rsquo;s one sided, for some reason we still cling. Look at Dude.
We as people also try to we are used to and know as love in our lives by loving/pursuing/seeking the attention of, people who we know will not feel the same way back. For some, those people are wrong for them anyway, and they are simply reverting back to what they know from their childhood or past relationships. For others, the people they pursue are perfectly fine people, they just have no interest in them. In this case, that might change at any time, sure, but you can rsquo;t hold your breath on it. I wouldn rsquo;t bet on the change of heart, that rsquo;s territory more suited for the movies or TV.
And just so you know that I’m not just talking out of my ass, I’m going through this even now, but I’m smart enough not to go boasting about it. The heart often wants what the heart wants, but I’m not going to let it dictate my future if those feelings are not reciprocated. It’s tough, but as I always say, we keep moving forward. It also makes me feel like our hearts can be stupid sometimes. Why the hell would we fall for someone who tell us, we mean nothing to them? Why do we still hold on to those feelings? What gave us this false sense of hope that if we continue to prove how “awesome” we are, those women (and men) will miraculously change their mind and want you in return? Are we so brainwashed that we really do believe those fairytales are real? Okay, I know the answer is yes, but it still needs to be asked.
In the case of Guy and Dude, Dude will hold onto that piece of his heart that still yearn for what may never be. Whatever his reasoning is, those in his life can only steer him in the right direction. If he chooses not to be steered then he rsquo;ll be stuck, not moving forward in ldquo;love rdquo;. As for the girl, she rsquo;s made her intentions known, that nothing will happen between herself and Dude, I think she rsquo;s done all she can for him. The ball is in his court. Hopefully he knows what to do with it.
