I “know” someone, well I actually do know someone, who has a problem. Imagine if you will, a lone individual, who for some time has been smitten by another lone individual. Yes, this person likes another person, but does not know how to approach it. The heart and the mind say two different things, and all of a sudden it becomes a war betweem the intuition and the logic. It’s a battle that’s been raging for centuries, where people just don’t know which one to root for and which one to follow, despite all the cliches of following your heart. We still have the big dilemma.
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.netHere’s the big question. How do you know if your gut is on the right track or is your brain the more…informed of the two? Yeah, I realize the brain dictates your feelings, and your gut instinct, and your heart, but they seem to be two different things. They feel different, act different, and do everything…for the most part, different. The gut entices the spontaneous food run when your heart is broken, and pushes you forward when you’re stomach has butterflies and you lean in for the kiss. It’s irrational, brash, and fickle, but we follow it. Just as much as we follow the brain; the organ that reasons out whether or not we really need that gold plated laptop, or if her flirting is her just being nice or actually being interested. Scary propositions, and it’s weird how both of them are right.
In the game of love, you will find that you’ll be utilizing both, like a pair of nunchucks, battling each romantic decision with a “cowabunga”. You think I’m kidding, but when you’re in “courting” mode, you have a tendency to strike out when those feelings start bubbling up with one or the other without…uhh, thinking…? Either quick to react or quick to judge, we let it dictate our decisions.
Case in point. A friend of mine just broke up with their girlfriend. Now, the decision was made from the gut, because logically, there were no problems in the relationship. The girl was more than giving and loving, but her signficant other was in a rut. The brain would have told the significant other that they could use every ally they can have and maybe even use that support from the girlfriend. Instead, they gave in to their gut, their emotions, and broke it off. No real reason, just because. Not unhappy, not happy, just…did not know what else to do. A gut move, and a pricey one.
Then there’s the one who over hinks things. The brain was thinking up too many scenarios as my friend played out every scenario in her mind on what would happen should she at least confess she was interested in this guy. Her gut and brain were telling her that he was interested in her, that there was something there, but her brain was stronger, telling her that it would might not be what she feels. Her heart might be wrong…but sometimes you just have to take the plunge. Especially if it feels right. She did not go with her gut, and she found herself in a position where it may be too late, or he’ll think she’s not interested in him, and well, what’s the harm?
Music, movies, TV, and books all emphasize the power of love and how our heart will always find a way. We listen to what our gut tells us and we throw caution to the wind. We get caught up just feeling our way around a situation. Not necessarily a bad thing, but we can sometimes be slaves to those feelings. Stupid feelings…
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.netThen there’s the logic side, the brain. Those who approach relationships this way look at the facts, look at the track record, and through complex algorithms figures out if the person’s worthwhile. If them’s birthin’ hips, you know what I’m saying? Like Sherlock Holmes, sees every detail in a crime scene, a woman can look at a man’s hair to his clothes to his shoes shoes, and know if he’s worth her time. She’ll see his personality in his gait, his dress, and his mannerisms and she’ll know right then and there if she’ll go home with him. All thought out, all brain. A guy on the other hand, looks at the clothes for sure, but it’s more the body, the body language, and all those physical features that men can’t help but stare at. Take it as you will, but a man can look at a frumpy person and notice the great cleavage or the fantastic bum. He won’t notice her personality until she opens her mouth…usually. Mostly…not the brain, so maybe we guys have something to work on a little.
Okay, now to get to the point! We choose one over the other! We rarely use both, because one is usually stronger than the other. The light and dark side fight for dominance as we look at that girl or guy and what feels like hours pass, but are mere seconds…and do we say something…do something, why can’t I figure it out!!! The heart, the head, which one is right? There are even websites out there asking the question whether we should just go with our gut feeling, and which must mean we should probably favor logic over passion.
Personally, I think we need to throw caution to the wind more often and put away that fear when getting into a relationship. Logic screams that there’s a possibility of a “no”, and we ignore the logic that there’s the possibility of a “yes” as well. We don’t allow ourselves the chance to see if it’s a “Hell yes!”. I realize passion rules reason, and I’m a romantic, and I think love is all about passion more than thinking anyway. Every other aspect of your life, use your brain people, but in matters of the heart, why not follow it for a change? Don’t over think things, don’t get all hurt if they say no, and take pride that you were brave and followed your gut. Now go out there and spill those guts! And not in the Gladiator way!
When making your way out of a relationship, I think you need to really to think about it, work it out, weigh what’s going on, and don’t make those rash decisions. What’s the difference? You’ve spend time in the relationship, invested so much more, and there’s much more to lose. In a first time coupling, the risk is less, you’re losing much less, and it’s no skin off your back if nothing comes from it. But ending something can have some major repercussions, so let that brain work over time, working those calculations and put that passion in the back burner for awhile…if you can.
