Written by Lei – Nerdlicious Podcast
Dear friends,
I rsquo;m sorry I rsquo;ve been MIA. My father passed away, so I rsquo;ve been taking a break from everything. I rsquo;ve slowly been getting back into the swing of things, and hope to be writing regularly, as I said I would.
Today, I rsquo;m going to write about a question I received. Essentially, a gentleman wanted to know the difference between financial domination and professional domination. This is a very good question, as it rsquo;s one of the things many people- even kinksters- don rsquo;t really understand.
A professional dominant is somebody who provides a service for money. D/s (Dominance/ submission) is not always about sex, and many professional dominants will not have sex with customers. Of course, some will. Somebody who works as a professional dom/me may or may not be a lifestyle dominant. That is to say, some professionals are acting in order to get money, while others have an sincere appreciation for D/s.
There are various reasons one might see a pro-dom/me. Some people are curious about whether or not this is their ldquo;thing rdquo;. Some are between partners, and need the release of submitting to another person. Some are in relationships with partners who are unable or unwilling in providing this sort of lifestyle. If you decide to see a professional, it is important to know what you want, and to ask questions to make sure you get what you rsquo;re looking for. As I always stress, communication is very important.
There are people who disapprove of others earning money through domination. Typically, such people express that they think it is wrong to charge money for something the professionals enjoy doing. Personally, I think this notion is much like saying chefs shouldn rsquo;t be paid if they enjoy cooking, or that doctors shouldn rsquo;t be paid if they care about their patients.
Just as with any other business, there is overhead. Professional dominants must either purchase or rent space, as well as equipment. The work often requires the use of costumes, or at least specific attire. There is also sanitation to consider. People are often surprised to learn this, but many professionals also take classes and acquire study materials in order to provide experiences that are safe for everybody involved. In order to network, many travel to conventions, as well as monthly meetings called munches (these are usually lunch meetings at restaurants).
In addition to all of this, there is the time the pro-dom/me invests. Preparing the space, supplies, and himself/ herself can take just as long as the appointment. Then, after the appointment, the space must be cleaned. Any supplies that are used up must be replenished.
The argument presented by those opposed to paying is that this is equally true when people are involved in non-commercial kink experiences. However, regardless of whether the experiences involve money or not, there must always be an investment for anything worth having. Even outside of kink, investments may be financial, emotional, or some sort of physical/ mental labor. Sometimes, they are a combination of these.
When people interact in this dynamic, there is an exchange of investment. This is true regardless of how personally the people are involved. As we forge and carry out vanilla relationships, we invest time, emotions, and often money. Even if the money is indirect, we often must pay for travel, meals, etc. We may not see these investments the same way we see paying a professional for a service, but it exists, nonetheless.
Financial domination, on the other hand, is a horse of another color. It is not about earning a living, as it can even be carried out between a married couple in which each partner works. When one person dominates the other financially, it is not so much about money as it is about power.
Many people do not love their jobs, or at least they don rsquo;t love certain aspects of their jobs. They would rather be doing many different things. However, work is something we are required to do. If we do not work, we do not get money. Without money, we cannot provide for ourselves or for others in our care. Not only would we lack for necessities, but without money, we cannot pursue our interests.
When one person surrenders control of their money to another person, it is a very intimate and real surrender of power. They are giving the other person the ability to completely ruin them. If you do a little research, you rsquo;ll find that it rsquo;s certainly happened.
More often, however, it works similarly to how many vanilla couples handle their financial responsibilities. For example, a submissive person might turn his paycheck over to his wife. She would act as an accountant, budgeting their joint bank account to ensure everything is handled. This sort of interaction happens in many households. The main difference is that when a couple does this because they especially enjoy it as a fetish, there is more focus on this aspect of their relationship.
Of course, there are many who prefer an exaggerated version of this kink. As somebody who appreciates financial domination, I can tell you that it rsquo;s a bit of a rush. I wouldn rsquo;t want to do this in a regular relationship, but financially dominating somebody with whom I have no emotional ties is exciting. He becomes an insignificant source of entertainment.
It rsquo;s fun to be pampered, and I enjoy the gifts of money and material items I have received so far. However, what I enjoy more is the thought of this guy working hard to earn his cash just so he can surrender it to me. On days he doesn rsquo;t feel like going to work, the possibility of earning the opportunity to bask in my smile will drive him to go, anyway. When he rsquo;s having a rough day at work, he rsquo;ll remember that it rsquo;s all for me, and carry on. So not only is it that a financial dominant is given the money, but we become incredibly important to the submissive. We become almost god-like in the mind of this person.
Personally, I have a great sense of responsibility and I am very careful. Some clients become caught up in the fantasy and forget that they have obligations. They will even allow themselves to become bankrupt. I always determine the amount of money my clients earn, and learn their monthly expenses. In this way, I am able to refuse to accept certain gifts that I know they cannot really afford. I know many other financial dominants are equally conscientious. However, some are not. So if this sounds like something you rsquo;d like to explore, I urge you to use caution.
I hope you enjoyed reading this and that you learned something interesting. Feel free to write in and ask any BDSM related questions you have in mind.
Smooches!
