Image: nuttakit / FreeDigitalPhotos.netYou’ve seen it happen in movies and in televion. Those two characters you’ve spent hours getting to know and like somehow miss their chance at true happiness and love with one other. And yet you know, for the sake of the movie or the show, they’ll somehow be able to make it back into each other’s arms and live happily ever after. And low and behold it happens, to watery eyes, and a smattering of applause, the two ridiculously beautiful people find each other, kiss, and spend the rest of their lives off screen to beautiful babies, arguments that they never really knew each other, and the inevitable messy divorce. That’s why I like my fiction on screen, and my reality in person, as we too have found ourselves, at one point or another, in that situation, where you wait and you wait, hoping to get the courage to go to her, to ask her out to tell her you love her and…credits.
Going through this situation as we speak, with difficulty asking a particular woman out, trying to get over my shyness and taking my own advice (which, who really takes their own advice?), I find the clock ticking away in that window I have to possibly find something worthwhile. I find myself twiddling my thumbs, dancing around the subject, and questioning whether or not she likes me enough to actually want to date me, that I know what I’m really avoiding. That looming possibility of rejection. The funny thing is, I’ve talked about rejection before, and it’s kind of funny how people react when someone says they’ve rejected you and you give advice. “Well, if it doesn’t work for him, how can he possibly be giving out advice thinking it’s going to help us?” Because, you can’t force a person to want to date you, to have a relationship with you, or to love you. Rejection is all a part of life, and though people like myself fear it, unless you’re one of those guys who’s incredibly good looking and charismatic, you’re going to have to go through it. For some it’s they’ll hear more yes than no, and well, for others…the truth is you’ll get more no’s than yes.
So here I am, in a situation where there’s a possibility I won’t get rejected. I think she actually is interested in me to some degree. So what’s stoppping me? Myself. Confidence plays a huge role in the dating scene. You really have to believe you’re awesome in order to get awesome results. If you have any doubt, or if you have any fear, it’ll show. If you want anything in life, you really have to make it happen. You need to insert every cliche in the book and just take the leap. You never know where you’ll land, but you’ll be better and stronger for it. See, advice I should be taking. But human nature is hard to fight, which how I can feel the pain of those who read or listen.
Maybe you’re like me, and you weigh all the options, and you try to play it out to make totally sure the feeling is mutual before you take it any further. You know the whole, once bitten, twice shy routine. Maybe you’re a risk taker who’ll just jump from that cliff in hopes you’ll hit that sweet, ocean water below without a scratch. In my case, and if you ever find yourself in a situation where time is critical, you can’t think about it. You can’t assess the situation. You just have to take that leap of faith. Because unlike the movies, or on tv, you miss that opportunity, it can be gone for good. No amount of being assertive or confident is going to change the situation if you miss your chance.
I have an appreciation for those putting themselves out there. I haven’t had to do it for years, and to get back into the dating scene is a fun and brutal road. But if you see something good right in front of you, try your best not to hesitate, build up that courage, and go for it. Because you don’t want to lose that chance. You don’t want your efforts to be too little, too late.
