Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.netYou know what’s funny? When I find myself interested in a girl, I act like an idoit. I say things without thinking, I do things that are probably pretty silly, and I lack a whole lot of coordination. In other words, I am the epitomy of awkward when it comes to the ladies. Hell, I evemn have a hard time asking them out. And the thing is, all those reading can go ahead and call me a hypocrit because I haven’t taken my own advice when it comes to dating. But hey, that’s what makes relationships and attraction so great and so fascinating. Even when you’re the most prepared and you know exactly what to do, you still get tongue tied, you have two left feet, and you can’t remember what the hell it is you need to do! Not to say that the advice out there isn’t worth it, but you have to build up to it sometimes, and in some cases, you have all the time in the world. In other cases…you have one night in a bar.
See, attraction makes us do strange things. When we are attracted to someone we try to put our best foot forward, and in the dating scene that may mean expensive dinners and extravegant dates. Some men will be interested in things they normally wouldn’t care about or learn about certain subjects, just because the woman they’re into happen to like that subject. The funny thing is, is that we are so quick to do things we hate in order to make someone happy if it means they’ll date us, sleep with us, or simply give us attention. But of course, that’s the nice guy approach, well, the naive nice guy approach. Where a man will go out of their way to lose their identity because they’re just so infatuated with the hot girl right in front of him.
Then there are the assholes. The jerks of the world who don’t care whether or not they can relate to the woman they lust after. Usually they’re not in it for more than the superficial. Its more of the, she’s hot, she’s sexy, I want to bang her kind of mentality. And yes, some women find that irresistable. The bad boy, the inattentive lover, is very attractive and is, again, simply for those looking to get laid. But its also exciting, and raw, and powerful. Men in this position are more likely to take risks, are more prone to do things at the spur of the moment, and for them it can be quantity over quality. It’s the heat of the club, the booze at the bar, or the unfettered desire that propels men and women into situations that turn into one night stands, regret, and sometimes short term relationships.
Now I know I’m generalizing here, because from my own research, readings, experiences, all that good stuff, it seems to go that way. And in both cases, there’s something that fundamentally missing from the whole thing. Honesty.
Hey the whole point of the dating scene is to play the role of the perfect guy or gal so you can snag yourself a boyfriend or girlfriend or both and be a couple, or I guess in the last case, a triple. You obviously don’t want to show all your cards at once, you don’t want to give up the ending of the movie before it’s even started and you don’t want to show your flaws to the person you’re trying to date. So what do you do?
For the last few weeks, I’ve been hearing my coworkers say some really interesting things. I’ve haven’t heard these terms since I was in high school hanging out with my friend watching Hercules Xena and talking about how we would treat the women we would someday be with. These words were used to describe themselves and they were very proud of it. I heard honesty, loyalty, and trust.
You might be thinking that this isn’t a new concept, but in the world of love, it kind of is. We put up a mask for the world to see right off the bat by hiding our flaws. People forget those words when they find the chances to cheat. It’s those three words that are missing from the basic vocabulary of love. I mean, without those words why start a relationship? Do people get into relationships knowing its not going to last? Does that matter anymore?
Try something different for a change. I’m not saying don’t put your best foot forward, but don’t put on some act just to get someone to like you. If you really don’t like knitting, don’t take it up just because your girlfriend likes it. You have a right to not like stuff. And douchebags? Well, you’re not going to listen to this advice anyway, but really, stop leading women on. We have enough emotional damaged women without your crap.
I remember when honor and loyalty was important, when chivalry wasn’t dead (but everyone else kept saying it was), when people actually felt compelled to tell the truth, and where a little honesty went a long way. Maybe I’m old school like that, but its so great to see that there are other people out there who pride themselves in that. It’ll keep me from acting a fool for love.
