I stumble about this article on Psychology Today (link below), and it seems this must be the month about break ups, because there’s a lot of articles on breaking up. But this made me think, and it made me realize even more, that relationships are not easy, and there are a million ways to handle a break up. Now I’m not going to go through every situation that was there, if you’re interested, please see the link below to read how other’s have handled a break up or in their words, when you’re partner is “Missing in Action”. But I can relate to some of what was said, and how I’ve experienced some of those experiences.
A sad reality is, is that we’re totally unaware of ourselves. We don’t know what we do to ourselves most of the time, and we don’t realize how we impact other people. We’re selfish beings, only out to fill the void within ourselves as opposed to trying to fill the void in others. And that’s fine, because as a woman once said to me, “Why would I stay in a relationship if I’m miserable, but it makes you happy?” That’s a great question, because you should not expect anyone to stay with you if you’re the only one happy in the relationship, but as mentioned in Psychology Today, sometimes we take a step back in relationships before taking those steps forward. Doubt is fine, uncertainty is okay, but should every bump in the road constitute a break up?
Now the scenario where she tells me that…uhh…miserable phrase, is an extreme, and obviously she was unhappy, but some people are capable of loving again after awhile. Love is cyclical sometimes. We go through those highs and lows, and can go back to those highs again. Of course, this is all over the course of time, which is why some people who are willing to work it out, and to power through the tough time, can have long happy relationships. This doesn’t apply to everyone, and I think people don’t try to make things work, but if you’re a loving person who wants to make the love work, it can happen.
I find it funny how adamant people are against long relationships. More and more people cheat, or can’t stand the intimacy or whatever, and prefer to just cut it short. Divorce is so easy nowadays, making commitment seem like a really cute little idea as opposed to something to take seriously. Loyalty, honor, respect, all just filler words in today’s society in relationship to relationships. I don’t know what happened to make people so cynical, but I think it has a lot to do with people’s growing selfishness.
Now I’m not saying that once you’re in a relationship, you have to stay in it forever, but I don’t think people even try to make it last a long time. And people date or are a couple way too often! More and more women I talk to say that they’ve only been single for a few months or something and they quickly dive into something else. What the hell is that?! Why aren’t you allowing yourself to personally grow? Why do you have to keep yourself chained to someone elese? I think people really don’t realize the value of being single, or personally growing so that when you’re ready to have that one long term relationship, you know EXACTLY what you want, EXACTLY what you’re looking for and you’re not just going into things all willy nilly.
So I can appreciate why people react the way they do when they get dumped. How some internalize, and others go out and sleep around. It’s not an easy situation for anyone, and it’s because people don’t take the time to shop around, to test drive and just jump in. I think this is something I’ve been saying a lot because I think failed relationships are avoidable. You don’t have to find yourself in a place where someone says “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” People don’t realize that relationships take work, take effort. People are so absorbed in the honeymoon period, the bubbly feeling that the moment it goes away, they think it’s over. No, that’s just the beginning, where that bubbly, butterflies can happen again.
There’s that whole comfort period, that zone when people don’t try anymore to make a coupling work. There’s this feeling that they can relax, not try to woo the person they love and just…slip into routine. Just stop! Why would you want to make your relationship boring? Why are you just being lazy and not reminding your partner about how much you love them? Did it all become difficult to do? Are you just tired of showing how you feel? Did you run out of ideas? Okay, that’s possible…I’ll give you that, but did you think it’s all good now that you two are together? No!
Don’t go into your separate corners, doing your own thing all the time. You can do your own thing, have your own set of friends, all that stuff, but when you’re together, don’t make it a she watches TV while I play WoW. Share those experiences together, find things to share together. You two are together for a reason, you have similar interests, similar hobbies, otherwise why the hell are you together? Is there a synonmym for together?
Okay, I’m done. I ranted enough. Break ups are a part of life, being dumped is a part of life, but I think it’s just a little TOO common, a little TOO normal, and a little TOO easy. Read the article…well, you read a lot here so save it for later? But I think you’ll realize, much like I did, that relationships are hard, worth the work, and not given enough time. People give up too easily sometimes. Don’t let that be you.
