Just so I don’t inundate you with all of that Final Fantasy XIV talk or genre TV talk that I know I’m bound to be yapping about, I’m going to just talk about sexy ankles. Well, before I wax on about that, I want to say that guys are allowed to get fat, and women are not. I’m not saying that’s right, I’m just stating a societal acceptance. The media version of this that I like to always go to is “King of Queens” with Kevin James. He was a larger man, who was fine being big, and his slim wife kind of dealt with it. I had that life for a little bit. It was nice. I was working out though, I was active, had some muscle under the one pack, but I was still the big guy, and she the small lady. In other words, we as a people, are cool (for the most part) that a dude is fat. Please note that I’m aware I’m making sweeping generalizations. Disclaimer over.
There are women I follow on Twitter who are larger and they get upset when people call them out on it. Guys, on the other hand, can get called out on being obese because we, as men, are supposed to be thick skinned and able to take it. Strangely though, I’ve been seeing more and more foolish souls calling women out on their weight. As a result, women are arguing with that point of view and taking the stance that the world should accept them for who they are. Fat acceptance vs. Fat shaming. Well, I completely respect someone who wants live life the way they want to. It is their life, and I have no say whatsoever in it. I just unfollow and ignore the people who are perfectly content trying to force others to find them attractive. That’s the counter argument. “You can’t call me fat, because I’m pretty, and you have no choice but to find me pretty also.” I’m again, cool with this.
We live in a world of double standards where I honestly believe it’s laughable that we want everything to be “fair” and “equal”. I realize that there are many people out there who try to live and let live, but people are going to have biases, racism, size-ism, sexism, and every other ism in the book. Does it make them ignorant? I guess. Should they learn tolerance? Sure. Should we keep our unwanted opinions to ourselves? Most certainly. But as an increasingly growing fat man, I just don’t understand why we must cram down the throats of others, that large women, are “beautiful”. I was under the impression that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Are we not allowed to find people unattractive? Maybe we’re not. But I bet the reason why they’re so adamant to want to be accepted as large and beautiful, is because they’ve never seen a sexy ankle.
Sexy ankles are hot. They’re slender, bony, and you can see where they articulate. I used to have sexy ankles. I would admire my calves and ankles and think they were phat. Thanks Chris Tucker, by the way, for making that a thing. But lately, I’ve been letting myself eat in excess. “Why?” you ask. Well, okay, I know you’re not asking me, because I’m pretty sure you don’t care, but I’m going to tell you anyway. Because I’m stressed, I’m “depressed”, and I’m often “lonely”. The quotation marks are there because I don’t want you to take those words too seriously as they pertain to me, but it’s important to note that I deal with my emotions with food. And it reflects how I feel inside. Ugly.
For months I tried to convince myself that I’m not as fat as I weigh. I felt I looked good. I carried my weight well, and I felt I could put off the strenuous physical activity and eating moderation a little while longer. I could drown in one more pint of Americone Dream. But then, I saw my ankles. They are not pretty. Long gone are the slender curves of a once strong and mighty ankle. I miss the bony protrusion, and I hate the fact that my feet look like the Stayed Puft Marshmallow Man. The realization of how I look has finally sank in, and it’s so bad that I don’t even feel like going out my own front door sometimes.
What I’m most curious about, is how people perceive themselves and their body, I want to know how other people think of themselves when they look in the mirror. I’m curious if a person ever looks at themselves and just shakes their head, as I do now. I mean, none of my shirts fit me anymore man! I really like my shirts. And, in turn, may have finally found my motivation.
Which leads me to the question. What motivates a person to try and convince others that they are beautiful, when someone doesn’t think so? What empowers a person to angrily tell someone that they are not entitled to their opinion or their concern when they suggest that maybe, they’re not promoting the best lifestyle? Why do we have to like fat? Now of course, I’m not saying we have to praise skinny and love skinny either. Can’t we just accept that people like what they like, and don’t like what they don’t?
Maybe we should accept the larger individual. Maybe we should encourage a skewed body image and make fat, phat. I just know, personally, for me, that I can’t let myself go anymore. I miss being able to climb a flight of stairs without getting winded. I want to be able to wear my shirts and not be embarrassed by my body. And most importantly, I want my sexy ankles back.
