I’m going to tell you a story of what’s been happening to me lately. Why? Because I would like your opinion on something. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I had gone off the medication I was taking for Depression. I guess its not that surprising I was on it, for people who are reading the blog for the first time, but it was to help me get over my divorce. I’m fairly open when it comes to where I’ve been, minus the details.
During this time I was also meeting with the therapist whom I also stopped seeing, because. The last time I went to see her, I had nothing to say. We had a good conversation, but I think she and I knew, that I was over the worst of what had happened. I was feeling good, I was feeling “normal”, I was feeling in control, even without the pills.
That’s up until recently. I realize, that here I am giving advice and guidance to something that even I struggle with. I’ve never claimed much, but when I do, its usually that I’m human. And as I use this blog to kind of express myself and use it for my own personal therapy, I will do so now.
I hadn’t anticipated this happening, nor was I prepared, but I thought I had a “thing” going with a lovely young lady. She and I were hitting it off, it was fun, I was shy, nervous, and self deprecating, and she was personable, fun, intelligent, and more compliments than I can shake a stick at. But I guess, I had misread what was going on, because I had to admit to her that I am interested in her.
That may have been the downfall. Here I am, sharing information on when and where to tell a girl how you feel, how to approach them, and how to go about asking them out and here I am struggling with those same things. Needless to say, after so many years with one woman, to even THINK some other woman would be attracted to me in any way was not something I was prepared for.
This is where the control comes in. When I used to take the pills, things like this, even straight up rejection, I can handle. I had solid control over my emotions. It would slide off my back like water off a duck. Okay, I think that’s how the saying goes, because it really looks weird when I write it. Now, I don’t know…I have no hard evidence, but I have a feeling I was wrong. You can tell by a person’s mannerisms if they’re into you. Alas, I was wrong, got overly excited and well…you can guess what happened next.
Anyway, maybe you’re thinking, well this guy is crazy obsessive and now he’s all depressed and stuff now. I’m not. I’m disappointed yes, and nothing is going to change in my life, I was just surprised and concerned for my own “senses”. Because, I do want to get into a relationship again, I just can’t be eager. Take things slow, take things easy, and never rush. If it works out, it works out, it it doesn’t, it will the next time. Everything happens for a reason, and I think this is my continued wake up call to work on me.
Now, my question is, is it okay for me to have felt the way I did? Like I said, nothing is going to change, but is me writing this going to change everything? Will this guilt said person into action? I hope not, that wasn’t the intention, but is my writing this out on a blog being passive aggressive? Thanks for your opinions.
